Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
