i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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