i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
