The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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