don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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