looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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