my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
