There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
