She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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