I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
