I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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