so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
