I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
