FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
