mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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