he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
