sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize