How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
