hotel room ftw
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
