At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
