i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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