If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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