Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize