His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
