On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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