I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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