i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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