in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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