dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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