I wish I only lived at night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
