and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
