So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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