So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
