A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize