Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize