I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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