So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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