So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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