Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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