Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize