i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
