Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
