speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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