Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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