I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
