and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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