college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
