Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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