I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
