Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
