He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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