I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize