I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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