Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
