The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My bed smells like the plague
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
