did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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