Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
