i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
