4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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