Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
