its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
