ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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