the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
