Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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