i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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