Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize