Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize