If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize